I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
