Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
