Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It's shark week go big or go home
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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