2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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