I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just found a bag of teeth...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
