Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
