biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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