I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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