it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
