FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
