so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
