at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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