Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
