i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
