So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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