So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
