Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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