Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
