First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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