So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
