I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
