His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
