she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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