How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
