like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
