once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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