You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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