just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
