did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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