That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
