They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
