Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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