Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
