I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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