Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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