either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
They should really pass out barf bags in church
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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