I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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