the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
