I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
