I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
