I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
