turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
