I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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