so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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