My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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