Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
When did angry sex become our thing?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
