He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
