she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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