i jhust puked up my retainher.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
