you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
