i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
