You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
