I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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