How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
