wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
3pm strippers are depressing
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
